4 of a kind

Change my Heart

Nothing feared and hope left to spare, exhaustion overwhelms – you are too far from me. Not seeing that which captivates, forgetting your voice, losing grip of your touch. It matters more than anything but here I am, running again, ignoring just how much you love me and how alive I feel in your tender embrace. But something tells me it’s not enough and I’m stupid enough to believe. Why? I don’t know. Is there ever a reasonable answer to such a question? You love me with purity and truth but you are not naïve to my deceptions. But your grace is magnified by the depths of my shame when I return to you. Teach me to flee your presence no more. Help me to stand beside you and hunger only to be held more tightly. Change my heart. I see your beauty and this reflection pales… lead me home that I might reveal the same light as you.

Time Creeps Forward

Sliding by the winds whisper and say how old I am today.
Once it was a joke by now it seems that slowing fading are my dreams.
Captive in a foreign land, led carefully by a strong, gentle hand.
Never forced – I give all my trust – since obey truth I must.
Lines and wrinkles, deaf and blind, sill I see and hear all I left behind.
None of that matters though, just as long as I know you love me so.
Time is endless with you, if the words you wrote are true.
So let the end draw near, nothing in life do I dare hold so dear
for everything I want and need, every little word and deed,
speak louder than any shout. It is you I can’t live without.
Advance! Advance I say! For birth and death are just another day.

Dichotomy

It is a strange sensation to be somewhere you don’t necessarily want to be, but somewhere you have to be. It is a part of your destiny and there you are living it out, only you wonder when it happened and why and when it will end and what is next or if this is it.

So strange it becomes impossible to fathom all the good that has happened here. Not just for me, but to all those I’ve met and how I’ve seen them open up and grow in smiles and hope, and perhaps more.

Some I cannot explain simply because I do not know how or you must experience it yourself. Deep inside, you know when the stars align and the words are right and life is whole – nothing is missing, though you may want more still – this is a natural tendency to all.

And so here I am, a million miles away, missing my friends and family, embracing my new life, living completely and whole and wholly free by a will that also is free. And I do what is right and what I’m supposed to do. Some might call that a dichotomy. I call it just right.

Let it go

Stealing my heart and my mind, I let it all go,
just to be here, right now, just so I can show
the light o this life,
the strength of this soul;
just to know of peace,
just to hear you love me so.
Much more than I have ever know,
more than anyone has ever dared.
You were never afraid of me,
you were never ever scared.
But just to be here, right now, so I can show
the light of this life and the strength of this soul,
to finally know peace and to hear you say, “I love you so.”
What more could I dream? How loud must I scream?
You’ve stolen my heart.
You’ve stolen my mind.
My will? My all? My everything?
To you I let it go.

Darkness

Darkness is an ambush that lies in wait desperately wanting to find you alone and weak and eyes glazed over in fear. Darkness is derived from an absence of light that does night shine around or in or through. Darkness lies and says that it is good and that you should yield to its strength and that it is more powerful than anything else in history.
Like I said, darkness lies.

Darkness is weak - it possesses unimaginable power surpassed by light. For light shines and makes all else come to light. Darkness cannot stamp out the sun - anywhere an object lies the sun can remove the shadows if darkness chooses to get in the way.

But turning away from the light produces victory for the darkness.

Darkness lies. Do not turn away from the light. The light is good. The light is life.

Business as usual

Ok, yes, I still need to learn how to iron more often. I'm busy, ok? ;p

Release

Losing it all – what cost shall be beared to see the ocean so perfect as it did today? Crystal waters reflected from a blazing sun. Mountains towering over the landscape and an island bearing promise amidst its cries of pain not yet silenced.
What am I becoming more and more of nothing? Can it be so that I am less now than all my dreams had in store?
The heart breaks in confusion – unaware suddenly of everything, longing and searching for something that will hear these tears running down my face and seeing the weight borne by such small shoulders. What hope can take this burden from me? By what manner might I be made to live and live in joy, basking in the soft wind under gentle golden rays stepping in velvet sands that release me? Release me from these chains and I am yours. Release me to lose it all so I may gain today, yesterday, tomorrow and forevermore.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller...

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
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30 meters

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That's me in red. The wave knocked the top off...

Devastation

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everywhere you go you still see the effects of the tsunami

whisper (2)

Whispering in the darkness, nothing remains at all.
Trees, metal, tile & flesh drown me in blood.
Closing my eyes tighter still the breath escapes me and still the wave rises higher and rages more powerfully.
Desperate to make a sound but beyond fear there is no denying the emptiness that swallows me whole. Never again will I hear my love smile. Nothing shall remain - not even a memory - for they are stripped away by power unforeseen and incapable of being imagined.
Whispering in the darkness I die, whether or not I survive this watery hell.

Lead Me

Your words roar in my head like thunder and i am shattered, unable to respond. You want my whole life and I just want to cry.
I want to go home. I do not want to suffer anymore. I cannot stand and still you remain beside me - calming my fears and easing my doubts.
Overwhelmed and incapable, but such is not the truth. Far too much to do and still it is enough. It shall be all right.
Only fools claw at me and attempt to drag me down. My friends are broken and crushed by the darkness that surrounds.
Oceans away I cry for them. Tears separate my heart, and pleading I beg for mercy upon them. Lead them also back to you, what we might stand upon your words that roar in my head.
I come undone, at least allow it to be on a strong foundation that is cleaned and rebuilt upon easily. Do not let me go without you, for without you I am nothing. You are everything. You have my whole life already, lead it as you must.

Floating

Each whisper a cry, longing to be released from this cage. Once roaming the earth but now trapped in this… this... cocoon that requires me to seemingly be born again from a womb? Once was enough – I must endure this trial again?

Seemingly so a dream stirs inside that casts such a beautiful vision of looking down upon this world while floating in the night sky – free from harm but still maintaining a role. No wish granted could match the spectacle of flight and though I coul not before now the hope seems within grasp!

Is such thinking not foolish though? Once legged and now winged? Unlikely! Unfathomable. No. It certainly cannot be so… but how does one forget? Shy should this dare be forgotten?

Fight! Freedom! With the power of seemingly another’s strength the urge yields sunlight shining down. And escaping from the cell it fades beneath me. And realization that by pursuit of the dream it has been reached, the wings flap and float and dare to fly higher still, now knowing that creation is meant to soar.

Change

Blink and the world has forever changed yet again. All my friends – where have you gone? Or where has it I have left you for? My mind races and new faces appear, new souls are bonded and much joy and celebration occurs and BLINK.

Lost! All is lost again! Why? How? A journey with constant beginning can lead to no ending, and is this recycling story not mine?

Blink.

No, I remain and it is the others who change. I feel my own hearts’ loss and gain. No control over them do I have, but such does not tell that the bond is broken, only removed from my sight.

Suddenly I feel the love remain again. I – blink – still abide in it. Blink. I feel it surge in me as the changes bring more and not less. Blink. Foundations are not weathered by change when made of truth and action of its love.

Blink. I am forever changed. Are you?

Blink.

foreign soil

Awake

Eyes open and will not shut for the prayers of the dying are at hand. What price can be given or paid for such a chance as to know even the greatest of things? And such an opportunity is thrown away and for what? FOR WHAT? To see a new jewel on a mistress’ neck? To own another suit with many silk ties? To eat an extra lobster with a finer bottle of wine?

This nightmare goes on while the dream dies in the sufferings hands. And thought they see a new force loving them, do they ignore the possibility of leaving it all to follow that which loves them more than anything they’ve ever known? Is their sacrifice any less or greater than mine?

Yes, because I have already chosen and have no fears but one left to face. May today also be a good day to die, and that when it is time I am prepared to and do die well.

Show these in dreams and miracles that the cost of being awake is worth it.

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MEOW!!!!!!!

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healing the land

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lucu

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temple

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My friends are so mean. I told them not to make me cry and then they go out and buy me this awesome gift and say not to look at it right then at my party. I love them to death. And so I get on a plane in a week. In 2 I'll be at my destination. And I refuse to read anything else they've written until I get on that plane. It will be too hard, otherwise... already hard enough.

leaving soon

Getting on a plane in 2 weeks. Unbelievable.

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.