riding on the back of a motorcycle

Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle and shut your eyes? The feeling is so eerie - I was at the complete mercy of the driver's will. The wind and the sounds... I FELT the cars and other motorcycles around me. It is a silent helplessness that I can't quite describe, only somehow I think I feel it all the time when I travel. It's like I'm being led around sometimes into really cool adventures, but... it's still scary, you know?
But I just have to learn to trust the driver.

Me and my shadow

Playing in Foz de Iguacu

or Iguacu Falls (amazing, btw) at the corner or Brazil, Argentina & Paraguay

Behind these hazel eyes

Forward again, a world that spins and cycles fast, dreams that never fade, and no time to breathe. Thoughts endless and wondering and traveling from everywhere across the world, never knowing what is happening - friends dying, loves disappeared, decisions right, pain and sadness drunk with joy and gladness. A world left to see - worlds left behind; full in life but throttle full forward to the wall approaching... no turning back - the screams are mine in delight and dismay; brown eyes open big and behind them lies truth that many fear. See? It is their screams and not mine. It is their fears, but it is my burden. Cast aside and shared, but the aches are not forgotten. Still it is the happiness I sing that my friends hear and know deep inside.

i love this stuff

you have got to read this:
http://independent-bangladesh.com/news/jan/14/14012006ed.htm#A6

then again, did THAT happen too?

breaking apart into tears i cannot cry, tears that make me fly, joy that cannot bear, and a life that is but isn't fair. Love that burns and moves and shakes, love that breathes, and lives and quakes. truth that rings and hands that hold, grips let loose as life continues to unfold. prayer and blessing that make us move on, a hope in the true god, his spirit, his son. trembling now i must hold back, this dam shall not break, this rope shall not slack. strength not from within but above, strength that is more glorious and powerful than any because it is love. she made me see, she made me believe, she proved what you said; now i know, now i trust, now perhaps i have fully risen from the dead. these ashes that scattered are not mine i know, because the sweet fragrance is heavenly and fills me with glow. dreams that magnify to the journey i follow, a smile that will never frown now - it shall always show. thank you thank you thank you and know that you have been a gift. though none but me may understand, between us was never a rift. restored now into wholeness and life, I won't say what rhymes with this, but, you know, you know, don't you, goodbye and sweet dreams - good night!

ok, I can talk about this now

sadness may linger, but pain in humility that focuses into humble power becomes a greatness that can not be stripped away

Please see this amazing article by a father which I think is just really cool in the aftermath of a sad but true USC loss to Texas, who played an amazing game. And by that I mean Vince Young:

http://usc.scout.com/2/486987.html

DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?

the beautiful game

soccer news:
Who will win:

WORLD CUP 2006

BRAZIL

5 Stars (1958, 1962, 1970, 1994, 2002) for 5 titles...

After Germany,
Where will they put the sixth star???

It's such a pretty jersey





La Liga (Spanish League)
BARCELONA
(one of my favorite cities in the world)

2 weeks here will likely change your life. The architecture, the food, the beaches, the mountains, the people...
It is such a beautiful city and I hope to return one day to visit


and... who won't win:
WORLD CUP 2006
(but I hope they do REALLY WELL! If they could win the group and avoid Brazil they have a shot to go far!) USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!


Serie A (Italian League)
A.S. ROMA
(one of my other favorite cities in the world)

Quake, Sue & Nami

EARTHQUAKE & TSUNAMI INFO LINK TO THIS
Do you remember where you were on Dec. 26, 2004? Cause it was Christmas night in America...

Welcome: 2006

it's been a different sort of year

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"The choice between what is right, and what is easy."
Fire. Swords. Grief and sadness. Separated if only by an inch from madness.
Fear. Lies. Torments that once again rise. The difference between what I want and what my destiny is.
Right. Wrong. Knowing a challenge but choosing hidden shame.
None can see what was not done for another will stand in the place where wars had to be won.
A life worth living, a cause worth sacrificing and dying for - a love which must and always has been.
A choice. A vision. A dream. Costs counted and the prize now in sight.
Armor at ready. Strength and courage summoned from a spirit more holy and pure. Since the dawn of time, since freedom was born, since truth is.

"It's all going to change now, isn't it?"
Everything once known has now passed on to the next. The life once lived has faded into dreams where joys once commonly known have been replaced by far surpassing joys mingled with greater sufferings.
Former fires have shifted to new homes and worlds where new everythings are learned so that new heights might be scaled.
There is no time to look back in regret anymore. There is no chance to change what has been done. Advancing upon new treasures of clay and soul, new lights and lives, new wonders to explore and become.
Missing that which I love, but not missing out on that which is beloved. Purifying and forging new blades that cut deeper to free souls from the boundaries which imprison. It all has to change, and it must start right now.

"The Edge of Tears"
Seeing action, sacrifice, living, dying, here I sit and stare wondering if I shall beware or dare to care for something greater still. My hope in the greatest of all things but a tear springs and glistens in a shining sun beneath a cloudless sky that bids me farewell.
Pain and joy ringing in ears that sear with echoes of lives fading into the mist, drowning in waters that I cannot save them from. Heartbeats pulsing to the quick before finally halting beneath black waves.
Sudden is the sadness that knows no such grief yet cannot help but be broken and unable to cope right alongside with those so capable.
This dance is everlasting and I am never so alone. Though none may ever truly understand still I pray that some may want to, that some would envelope my suffering in their souls and imagine in their minds eye and so too weep with me for the loves lost and the friends buried and the enemies who but killed themselves upon their own sword and anger and lies.
Captive to such a prison these shackles do not hold me for the golden key possessed washes red clean over me into an abyss of life that sings under stars shining so bright even the blind could see if bothered to look. Still turning away my smile comes with a heavy price that carries me to far off lands and burdens requiring time to release.
These tears I cry are real, and dearly, though strong might I be, on the verge of salty oceans I always am.

The Night Before

Two days before Christmas and all through the land every creature is stirring - each with their own demands; some want peace, and others want money; still there are those who seek power, and fame, a few just glory. But more than all these there is a cry, a shout, for the one thing all of us want, what we can't do without.
Before the dawn of time and all things came to be there was truth, and spirit, a power that created all we see. There was a cost, though, for all that was done; you see, evil came to be, and its champion believed he had won.
But the author knew better. His right hand was strong, and he had a plan - in fact, there was one ready all along.
So, many years later, when the clock struck right, there came a savior to this world, one whose words were pure like light!
Love arrived, in a package few were aware, but this love came to sacrifice out of choice - not a dare. He lived perfect, and died the same, and love forgave his enemies - evil's champion lost the game.
Now the land still cries and shouts, but love has come, and we must acknowledge without doubt. To so so we must act, we must no longer lie; we must give, and help, and serve, and so love.
Sometimes, we must die.

FOLLOW ME

I will take you everywhere and anywhere - just follow me; you'll see: what your heart desires is to be free and full and happy. Doubt not that for the rest of my days I will strive to make this happen - just follow me; I will never hurt you or lead you astray. I will never for an instant forget you or lose sight of how precious you are to me. Follow me and we will discover your destiny together, no matter where... everywhere. Follow me, can't you see? i live to see your smiles and hear your laughter and know you more. Without you I will - I must - go on, but will search for you until it is too late. So follow me. Follow me and I shall not fail you, for this love is a gift for you. I love you. Can't you see? Please, follow me.

"I surrender"

thanks Greg Wong for this photo. Made me laugh all day.


"You got me, I'll go back quietly"
"So what are you going to bluescreen me onto?"
"Look mister, I swear i didn't touch your wife!"
"Now, mom, is there really a need for a strip search?"
"Since when is having a nice hairdo such a crime?"
"Man, I knew I forgot to put on clothes today!"
"Up, up and away!!!!!!!!! Wait, where's my cape?"

Thanksgiving

mom, dad, dan

turkey and cranberry sauce on the other side of the world.

laughter

soccer

USC football

amazing and supportive friends across the globe

sunsets on the beach

doing what i'm meant to be doing right now

Jesus

the ability to think and reason logically

the ability to have fun and go crazy from time to time

music, singing, art: dance, poetry, writing, painting, photos

opportunities to love and serve

freedom

free will

hope

faith

love

family

taking risks like seeing the world and being rewarded with sheer amazement at seeing the encyclopedia before my very eyes.

finishing a journal gifted to me by my two great New Years newlywed friends

having had long talks with Kevin and Mark before I left

the book of Mark, Hosea, Daniel, the psalms, Galatians, Hebrews, Isaiah, Genesis, Exodus, Judges, Ruth, Esther, Revelations, etc.

getting to read Harry Potter in English over the Pacific, and having so many teachers of my new language

driving

winter on the equator

students who wonder where I am and worry when I will leave

soccer jerseys

purified water that is actually necessary

email

blogs

smiles

forgiveness

grace

a new day

sight, hearing, health

surprises

giglling

inspiring movies

contentment and satisfaction

adventure

dreams

life

bali beach

unscripted unrehearsed

don't you ever just wonder what it's like to type and not look back or think and wonder where in the world you are and why everyone seems to have forgotten you except all your new friends who don't and won't and can't understand you because your old life doesn't belong in the new one and they think different thoughts and see different things about you that even you can't believe? i sit and stare and pray and hope and dream and answer questions about life that they can't even fathom: a jewish father and catholic mother and a path devoted to the messiah that has taught understanding and world view that they can't even conceive because they're so absolutely opposed to any truth than what they've been ordered to believe. and even my mom is quite the same and doesn't want to consider that god is more that the words a priest speaks and though she works to love i see the fear and despair in her life that just shouldn't be. and my dad doesn't care. and my brother doesn't want to invest in this freedom that i have and it is all about choice. but my students choose to not choose apparently because palestine is a land of ishmael and not isaac even though its the land of abraham. facts not fiction must be known. foolish anger and sudden questioning and revealed is my truth before them all and now i wonder what ramifications will appear. and truly i don't care because, well, i just don't. truth is truth. i have studied truth for twenty years and been applauded and condemned every single time. I know both sides of the story and so see the deeper truth: the path of peace and love and sacrifice that is SO much harder than anger and hate and pride and obtusity. my voice echoes in outer space and my screams die in silence. perhaps so too will i but my friends love me and so does god and so i love them and all and even those who would be my enemies. circles of life end in death. perhaps it is time to look past all the fears and all the mortgages and debts and clothes and cars and the way we are taught to live and instead live the way we are supposed to live in truth: one that will require great sacrifice but be rewarded 10, 20, or even a hundredfold; and maybe not here but in the time to come. Blessed are the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the hungry, the needy, the lonely - they will be comforted by the almighty and all loving creator of the universe itself who lives and breathes and even dies for those he loves if they would just stinking figure it out and believe and live. even if it means they die soon. hey, we all die eventually.

a tribute to Rosa Parks

Refusal

Again and again I come around to the question – why does no one accept me just as I am? why must I succumb and become less than I am because others do not – cannot – see? No, it should not be this way. I will fight. Here I will remain – sitting for all to see because I am so tired.
Humiliated day after day by people who just do not understand my sufferings, can’t comprehend much of anything really. They have no want to understand or even follow the truth and righteousness they so boldly claim to believe.
Unable to shed a tear for my captors, unable to succumb to the evils that cover this land and seek to dominate my life.
I REFUSE. DO YOU HEAR ME? I refuse to accept less than I deserve. I refuse to be less than who I am. and though I might do so alone, and though I may die, I REFUSE.
You hear nothing else, perhaps now you will finally be able to hear and see your own evil reflection.

deja vu

SOMETIMES
Once in a while I look out upon the open sea and wonder where it might carry me to. So powerful, so clear, and so full of grace is its power that can crush, or can yield a rebirth.
As my feet settle into the sweet fine sand I sink into what I can only hope is the end of my journey – but alas it is not to be so for the current beckons me in to see and discover deeper truth and meaning that lies hidden beneath its glass ceiling.
Drawing deep into my lungs I dive and open my eyes for the first time upon a new heaven filled with such color and wonder that it is clear in my own life that treasures are so guarded.
And sometimes I wonder if someone else out there will walk into my ocean and see the riches that lie beneath.

BLIND
Blind to the love that would have me, am I deaf too?
Why do I not hear – why refuse to see?
This mirror casts shadows, doubt; rage; I am so without.
Clawing at scars that will not burn away,
unable to forget every word and each day
they spoke and shamed and made me believe
I did not deserve to live; rather is was not worth it.
My eyes are open but I am tired of this truth.
I am exhausted by the futile attempts
to look in her eyes and see something
besides emptiness and no love.
I want to finally see in her eyes
joy and passion and love and desire.
But I can’t. Not because I’m blind,
but because she is.

WRETCHED
There must be nothing inside of me that others see. None want, and so I fail. Darkness, humiliation… time and again. Downward spiral. What hope? Why should I bother? An ugly prince is still clearly ugly. Beauty never loves the beast. Shame. Constant and more often that the tide in its rising. Valiant warriors full of courage are never alone. So I must not be valiant or courageous. I see so much of the inside, but none are ever able to see past this abhorrent shell. Scars run deeper still and will never heal until death itself decays them. Pain. Who would dare share in such as this? Arrogant – there is nothing in another love that compares to the suffering of a martyr – still the complaints pour out of this mouth. Wretched. Despicable. Nothing. And so there is nothing inside of me that is worth anyone seeing.

CANNOT SETTLE
Again and again I remain in torment for I am despised and rejected by those I want – I am alone. Alone.
Permanence resounds like the slamming of a cold steel cell door. Imprisoned within this you are with me and lone are my partner, my solace, my light and my way. Anything less is unacceptable. Unable. Would I be with another I could not give all of myself too? Surely not.
But my knuckles are red and bloody. My arms and neck ache. My spirit sags and there is nothing but this cold space in which I cannot breathe and yet still am not permitted to die.
I want everything. I cannot succumb to less for it is less. The secrets inside of me deserve to be unlocked so greater depths can be revealed.
I am alone, but not.
I cannot settle. Can not.