unscripted unrehearsed

don't you ever just wonder what it's like to type and not look back or think and wonder where in the world you are and why everyone seems to have forgotten you except all your new friends who don't and won't and can't understand you because your old life doesn't belong in the new one and they think different thoughts and see different things about you that even you can't believe? i sit and stare and pray and hope and dream and answer questions about life that they can't even fathom: a jewish father and catholic mother and a path devoted to the messiah that has taught understanding and world view that they can't even conceive because they're so absolutely opposed to any truth than what they've been ordered to believe. and even my mom is quite the same and doesn't want to consider that god is more that the words a priest speaks and though she works to love i see the fear and despair in her life that just shouldn't be. and my dad doesn't care. and my brother doesn't want to invest in this freedom that i have and it is all about choice. but my students choose to not choose apparently because palestine is a land of ishmael and not isaac even though its the land of abraham. facts not fiction must be known. foolish anger and sudden questioning and revealed is my truth before them all and now i wonder what ramifications will appear. and truly i don't care because, well, i just don't. truth is truth. i have studied truth for twenty years and been applauded and condemned every single time. I know both sides of the story and so see the deeper truth: the path of peace and love and sacrifice that is SO much harder than anger and hate and pride and obtusity. my voice echoes in outer space and my screams die in silence. perhaps so too will i but my friends love me and so does god and so i love them and all and even those who would be my enemies. circles of life end in death. perhaps it is time to look past all the fears and all the mortgages and debts and clothes and cars and the way we are taught to live and instead live the way we are supposed to live in truth: one that will require great sacrifice but be rewarded 10, 20, or even a hundredfold; and maybe not here but in the time to come. Blessed are the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the hungry, the needy, the lonely - they will be comforted by the almighty and all loving creator of the universe itself who lives and breathes and even dies for those he loves if they would just stinking figure it out and believe and live. even if it means they die soon. hey, we all die eventually.